Juggling angry Russians, the British Mi5, and an international terrorist, debonair art dealer and part-time rogue Charlie Mortdecai races to recover a stolen painting rumored to contain a code that leads to lost gold. Juggling some angry Russians, the British Mi5, his impossibly leggy wife and an international terrorist, debonair art dealer and part-time rogue Charlie Mortdecai must traverse the globe armed only with his good looks and special charm in a race to recover a stolen painting rumored to contain the code to a lost bank account filled with Nazi gold. I tried. I really did. About an hour into this, without a single laugh coming out of my mouth. Without me caring a bit about the story or anything in the movie, I had to just turn it off. I literally couldn't take another second of this movie. It is just an unfunny comedy. The characters could have been interesting but you just find them annoying if not anything else. What a mess. What a crime! Look at the freaking cast for this film! Freaking A-listers! I am so mad at how much this film su@ks that I don't even want to know who directed this. Trust me, this film isn't even good enough to fall asleep to on some random and boring night because you will just be waxed off with the film. Whatever, I'm over it. I saw "Mortdecai", starring Johnny Depp-Into the Woods, The Tourist; Gwyneth Paltrow-The Iron Man movies, Shallow Hal; Paul Bettany-The Iron Man movies, at least his voice was, The Tourist and Ewan McGregor-Jack the Giant Slayer, Haywire.<br/><br/>This is a mildly funny comedy. Johnny plays a shady art dealer that occasionally works with his buddy Ewan, who works for the British secret service, MI5. Ewan does not really like Johnny that much but he does have a big crush on Johnny's wife, Gwyneth. Paul is Johnny's man servant/bodyguard. It sort of reminded me of the relationship that Peter Sellers/Inspector Clouseau had with his man servant/bodyguard Burt Kwouk/Cato in the old Pink Panther movies. Every time Johnny would get into trouble, Paul would handle all the fisticuffs and gun play to save Johnny's behind. Anyway, as far as the plot goes, a valuable painting is stolen by an International terrorist and Ewan puts Johnny on the job of finding it before any of the other bad guys get a hold of it, including some dastardly Russians, who like to use battery cables attached to sensitive body parts for interrogations. It seems that the painting has a clue that leads to some hidden Nazi gold. It's rated "R" for language and sexual content-no nudity-and has a running time of 1 hour & 47 minutes. It's not one that I would buy on DVD but it would be alright, as a rental. Mortdecai is by no means a disaster — the occasional joke lands, and there’s at least some fun to be found in the frenetic farce of all the conspiracies and the running-around… Still, I spent most of the movie waiting for it to find its rhythms and set a witty pace for itself that would allow the humor to build and the outrageous situations to pay off grandly.
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356 weeks ago